Choices
by Calantha.Moon
Summary: That night Seth dreamt of a gun in a sweaty hand, of money falling to the floor, of spilled red wine and a broken wine glass, his mother with red hair and of Ryan’s eyes looking at him and seeing only him. Please RR its my first The OC story.


Choices

I own nothing. Its an AU. Warning: slight slash. I've only seen a few episodes so if anything is wrong let's just pretend it was that way…

They got the phone call a half an hour after Ryan was supposed to be home, Kirsten, already panicking, was the one to answer the door, the news was devastating- Ryan and Marissa had been in a car accident, the police here to take them to the hospital. The waiting room was the same as the car ride- silent, as if one word of speech would mean Ryan's life. A doctor entered the room, his face carefully arranged to not give anything away.

"Mr and Mrs Cohen?" Seth's parents jumped up, Seth vaguely wondered if he should go as well but his legs couldn't seem to move, if anyone asked why he didn't go, Seth decided he would say Summer's grip tightened, wouldn't let him go, as if it was a lifeline and then he wondered why that question would come up in the grand scheme of things. As the Cohens were in the doctor's office another doctor came to take the Cooper's away, his face also carefully rearranged, Seth had an image of doctor school where everyone stared at pictures of faces and were taught to adopt those faces at the appropriate times. Both the doctor's doors opened suddenly at the same time, and Seth's world fell apart.

30 minutes later Seth sat with Ryan's body. It was already cold, going grey. Seth was here to say goodbye and it was killing him, Seth felt like his chest was been crushed under an elephant, his cracked heart dissolving under the pressure.

"Please, please, I'll give anything to have Ryan back, anything." Seth begged, begged anyone who was listening. Seth gazed at Ryan's face for one last time before his parents dragged him away, his eyes focusing on the mottled bruise which enveloped half of Ryan's face.

Hours after the door rang the Cohen's were home. Seth made it up to his bedroom in a trance. He opened his door and had mad it halfway into the room before he became aware of the woman sat on his bed. He couldn't help but notice she was beautiful, looks of an angel; she was wearing grey however, half way between the pure white and the enticing black of the devil.

"You'll do anything?" Her voice was soft, it almost reassured him. "Anything to have Ryan back?"

"Yes" Seth's voice broke halfway through the short word.

"Sacrifice Marissa to save Ryan's life?" Seth thought of Marissa, but mostly of Summer and the look of utter relief on her face as she was told Marissa would be ok, of Julie and Jimmy holding onto one another even after the bad divorce. He'd made the decision within seconds

"Yes" he felt sorry for Summer and everyone else but he'd be there for her, like she had been and would have been there for him. The girl disappeared and it was like she had never been there, Seth crawled into bed and promptly fell asleep. The next day they went to visit Ryan in hospital, he would be coming home in a few days, Seth spared little thought for Marissa, Ryan was worth the sacrifice. Seth was in fact so happy he couldn't bring himself to feel sad, or guilty, after all he had, in a way, just killed someone.

Three days later the woman was back on his bed. "Ryan's going to die again, death won't let up that quickly." There was a pause "Seth choose, Ryan or your Nana." Seth thought of his Nana, the Nana, such a strong woman, who was affectionate and loving, suffering from cancer and bringing him and his dad back to their religion. "Ryan" the pain he had felt would last him a lifetime, if he ever felt like that again Seth wouldn't be able to cope. He loved his Nana but it was Ryan, simple as that and Seth was selfish.

Three weeks after Marissa's death the woman was back on his bed, neither Ryan nor the Nana were dead but Seth new it was only a matter of time.

"Summer or Ryan?" Seth thought of Summer, beautiful Summer, he'd wanted her for so long and now he loved her and she loved him. He thought of Ryan, cold, grey and dead, of his smile and how he introduced Seth to the world which before he was incapable of reaching, Ryan made Seth come alive.

"I want Ryan." The girl disappeared, it was done. Seth sank into his bed, unable to think, grieve or even comprehend his thoughts.

Three months after Marissa's death the woman was sat on his bed, Seth hated the sight of her.

"Ryan or your mother" Seth thought of Ryan and his smile which was too rare but when it came lit up the room, of his brilliant grades and promising future. He though of his mother who rejected Ryan in the beginning and every time she had kissed his hurts away when he was younger "Ryan" Seth chose. Ryan was too young to die and his mother wouldn't be able to kiss away the hurt of Ryan dying. Seth hated himself, hated death for making him choose, hated death for loving Ryan almost as much as he did. But Ryan was worth it, that night Seth dreamt of a gun in a sweaty hand, of money falling to the floor, of spilled red wine and a broken wine glass, his mother with red hair and of Ryan's eyes looking at him and seeing only him.

Three years after Marissa's death neither his mother nor Summer were dead but Seth new it was only a matter of time. The Nana had died, from cancer but Ryan was alive and well. Seth had not seen the woman again which was an incredible relief but Seth was worried they'd try to take Ryan from him without giving him a choice. Seth had never regretted that dark night or his choices. This belief was reaffirmed when Ryan reached across the table and kissed Seth on the lips. Seth's first Ryan-kiss, he'd waited so long for this, and everything was worth it. From then on when Seth held onto Ryan at night he dreamt of car crashes, cancer and guns and blood. He dreamt of Ryan dying in ever possible way, he dreamt of Summer and his wedding day, of Kirsten sitting on the front row, unable to keep the smile off her face, of Marissa with three young kids all who looked like her, of The Nana cooking a Chrismukkah meal and he dreamt of the sorrow he felt of Ryan not been there, of him not been able to ever have a Ryan kiss, not been able to hold him and lay beside him. Seth chose Ryan, he always would.

A/N: It's a bit short but be kind!


End file.
